Del's Douche of the Day: Floyd Landis

Floyd Landis is an asshole.

If his name sounds familiar, its because he was deemed the winner of the Tour De France, the year Lance wasn't in it, in 2006. The French called bullshit on that one - Who iz ze douche on ze bike wis two balls?

So they tested him for doping, guess what? Positive! Floyd cried 'they hate me, I've been set up. Waaaaah!'. So they tested and tested and tested. And still got the same result. Floyd went on a rampage. I'm clean, he shouted. He asked people to donate money to him to help him and raised almost 1 million from people who believed he was innocent. And he really did have fans believe him. He even wrote a book called (not joking) Positively False where he talked about how everyone was against him and he didnt do anything wrong. If I was Lance Armstrong, this wouldn't happen, he whimpered.

Then like most liars, you get tired of living a lie and you run out of money legally protecting that lie. So yesterday, he finally admitted to doping for years.

I'm also a kick ass bird caller. Check it out.....Ok I lied about that too

Oh but it doesnt end there...he's decided to play Serpico and out all of the riders as well. So what he's saying is Yes I doped up. But we all did. So either it's OK. Or at least blame someone else. I did it , but I'm not going to accept responsibility. Nice try, dick. By the way, he admits he has no evidence that anyone else doped up.

I got a feeling this costume will make a comeback this year

Oh yeah and an arrest warrant was issued this year from a French judge that Floyd was hacking into a computer at a French national lab for dope detection. All in all a really cool guy

You and I are totally doing the Tour de France this year

Floyd Landis: Grade A D-bag!

NBC unveils their new cancelled shows

If you watch TV, I'm sure you that NBC stands for Horrible Fuckin Garbage (see also CBS, ABC & FOX) . When your most popular show is called The Biggest Loser, you know that you're employing a lot of former late shift McDonald's fry cooks on your staff. This week they unveiled 12 new ways not to entertain you. My favorite has to be Outsourced, a comedy about those oh so funny travails of India call centers.

NBC - proud as a pea's cock

Griffey catches Zs, Mariners catch Ls

Poor ol Ken just can't seem to get enough shuteye. He's so tired, the thought of going to get a jacket in the locker room, makes him want to book a flight to Slumberland. But then I'd be sleeping too if I was on the Ms, a team so devoid of imagination they sign Milton Bradley, who's currently on the DL for mental problems [duh!]. The team has a history of passionless ball play. Even when the team is winning, no one seems too interested, including the manager.

 Fuck You, Mariners Fans - a game by Milton Bradley

This is starting to really shape up as a trainwreck season for the folks in Seattle, although the Cubs and Braves (no one in the outfield is batting over .200 except a rookie) are running close behind. And never count out the 'Stros or the Royals. C'mon guys, make some noi....zzzzzzzzz

The Right Night & Betty White

Betty White hosted SNL this past Saturday. I don't think I've seen an older lady abused this much since that lyin old bag on the Titantic. Now I will say this about Bets...for her to take on hosting a degenerative show like SNL and stay up past 11:30 as she pushes 90, that says a lot about her. Most folks her age if they make it that far make it 5 minutes into a Password Plus rerun before they fall asleep. To be willing to humiliate yourself for a crowd that only knows you as that ol' Snickers lady takes a lot of balls, something SNL seemed to have missing since 1979. This is a lady with 6 Emmys over a 44-year period and the best thing the scriptwriters come up with is her screaming "ass" and "lesbian" 2000 times. "Ha ha ha...grandma said a cuss word. That's funny. Pass the Fiddle Faddle"

OK Satan, we're even now.

I guess the same people who like to laugh at old people cause, hey, they're old, are the same people who think Timberlake is funny cause he made that Dick In A Box video, which primarily is funny cause its parodying the shitty music he dumps out. (If you really think those Barry Gibb & Omeletville sketches are funny, please pass the drugs my way. Oh you have Down Syndrome....sorry)

But the worst part was that there was absolutely nothing original written in this episode. OK you can say that every week. But seriously, they recycled barely funny skits and brought back a bunch of old cast members to, what, make sure Betty didn't fall and break her hip? All they did was create some soft of laughless nursing home where you're bedpan is carried by Molly Shannon.
To have Betty White share a scene with Keenan Thompson is like clubbing a baby seal with newborn kitten. What did she do to deserve this? Fuck, what did I do to deserve this? Even worse there are chumsuckers like Ken "kneepads" Tucker from EW saying how wonderful it was. The next guest host on his wish list: MacGruber.

 

Ok Satan, now you owe me one

I hope when SNL comes calling again to try and get another rating boost like this, Betty takes a dump on Lorne Michaels' chest and wipes her ass with Justin Bieber. That's the way a classy lady does it.

School's back in session

Everything doesn't suck, though it may seem that way. Know why? Cause the people that tell you what's good, they suck. Now hear it from someone with a brain and a bottle of Jack.